Kofo Odediran knows something about self-loathing. In high school, she had no friends, no self-esteem.
“I felt like the bottom of one shoe,” she said, and attempted suicide more than
once. Now a vivacious, self-assured
37-year-old, she vividly remembers the pain she felt as a teen. It is this memory that fuels her passion: empowering
young girls to deal with the peer pressure, social challenges and educational
stressors almost every child and adolescent face. Her vehicle is the Brains and Beauty Girls
Club (B. a. B.), an after-school organization for elementary, middle and high
school girls that fosters good grades, nurtures good moral character, emphasizes
inward and outward beauty, and works to create well-rounded, well-behaved young
ladies.
Indeed, the club is transformative. At the outset the girls
are giggly, immature and insecure. They commonly act out, get into fights,
disrupt their classes, cause a ruckus in the cafeteria. Well before year’s end,
however, they grow into disciplined, responsible, self-respecting young ladies.
This was boldly apparent at Biscayne Gardens Elementary
School one Wednesday afternoon in April.
As the third, fourth and fifth graders meandered in for their weekly
meeting, each said, “Good afternoon, Ms. K.”
The girls chatted until Ms. K was ready to begin. The instant she called the group to order,
they were silent. They watched her
intently as she explained the day’s activity: crafting a business plan for an imaginary
company. Hands flew up to answer the questions she posed. When the girls
momentarily lost focus, Ms. K instantaneously brought them back with a well-practiced
two-line chant that she began and they completed in perfect unison.
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| Biscayne Gardens Elementary School students explain "Dynamic Divas," the dance studio they are planning |
For the day’s project, Ms. K divided the girls into groups
of three or four, gave each a list of questions to answer and points to
consider. And when it came time for each
group to present their plans, they stood at the head of the room and spoke
clearly with poise and self-control.
Every aspect of the B. a. B experience and everything that
Ms. K does is designed to achieve these results. It begins with the application process, which
includes an essay on why each girl wants to belong and, for the high school
girls, an interview. It continues with the rules and regulations, which spell
out expectations for behavior and academic performance. Parents, who must sign
the application, and students, who must sign the rules and regulations, know
their membership is threatened if they get any D’s or F’s in coursework or
conduct or if they engage in fighting, foul language, vandalism, skipping
class, bullying, or disrespectful behavior toward adults.
The message is clear: This is an exclusive club. Belonging is
a privilege and an honor. Attendance at
meetings is required. Standards are high.
From the moment the girls join, they experience Ms. K’s specific
demands. They must wear their uniforms
to B. a. B. meetings: for elementary and middle school girls a navy skirt,
white short-sleeved blouse, black socks, purple scarf and purple hair ribbon,
all supplied at the beginning of the school year. High school girls swap
stockings for socks, a pencil skirt for the full skirt, and a neck tie for the
scarf. Everyone also has a purple B. a.
B. polo shirt, which they wear on Fridays (or another day of the club’s choosing)
and for B. a. B. outings
“The uniform teaches responsibility. They are responsible for all the pieces of
the uniform and for wearing it correctly. Why isn’t your shirt tucked in? Why isn’t your scarf tied? Where is your hair ribbon?” said Ms. K. And, she added, they’re not allowed to wear
pants.
“The way you sit in a skirt and the way you carry yourself
in a skirt is quite different than when you’re in pants. The days they dress up
and feel pretty, it makes you feel good about yourself and you carry yourself differently,
you feel different. Just knowing there
are different attires for different occasions. We try to teach something with
everything we do.”
The girls, who see the uniforms as a symbol of status, wear them
with pride. One third grader spoke for
many when she said, “It’s hot and itchy but it makes you look pretty. I like
it.”
With the uniform, the girls also get a purple bag containing
a mirror and a hygiene kit including a bar of soap, a wash cloth and deodorant.
They are told to keep this kit in their book bags for an emergency “so that
throughout the day you keep up with your appearance, you keep up with yourself,”
said Ms. K, who takes the opportunity to teach her girls what many should but
do not learn at home.
“A lot of our parents are working parents. A lot of our
parents don’t have time. A lot of our parents are young parents, and they just
don’t have the time to teach those basics. So here’s a program that takes us
back to the basics. We sit at the table properly. We walk, we don’t drag our
feet, we address people accordingly, things like that,” she added.
Appearance and behavior that are honed in the club are
expected and reinforced throughout the day.
Teachers, security guards, cafeteria workers, even custodians stop a
girl behaving inappropriately and admonish, “Aren’t you in B. a. B.? Isn’t that bad behavior?” As everyone in the school networks together to
reinforce the message of the club, the girls see a consistency to the
expectations, and over time complaints about their behavior diminish.
Good behavior gets a boost from the girls’ growing self-esteem
and self-confidence. Recognizing their beauty inside and out is a major focus.
Every meeting begins and ends with chants that reinforce a strong sense of
self:
When I look in the mirror what do I see
Someone special, me.
Building self-appreciation was the purpose of the Valentine’s Day
program, when the girls anonymously wrote down what they liked about each other. Later the girls read aloud the nice things
that had been said about them and celebrated their good feelings with Valentine’s
treats.
Strengthening self-confidence is the intent behind the club’s big
sister, little sister concept. Everyone
in elementary school, middle school and high school is paired with an older
member of her club. When an elementary
school student gets to the middle school, there is at least one older person
whom she knows. The same goes for the middle schooler moving up to high
school. Knowing this one person helps
her feel secure and important in a large, foreign-feeling place. This year, when all the clubs got together
for occasional field trips, elementary school students also got a big sister in
high school and had the opportunity to hang out with her.
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| Processional for the Middle and high school students entering the Presentation Luncheon. This is the culmination of the club's year, where each group showcases an original song, poem or dance. iddle and high school members enter the event. |
Enhancing the students’ education is also central to the club. Each week, the meeting focuses on a specific
subject: the environment, money management, bullying and cyberbullying,
abstinence and age-appropriate sex education, giving back, and
more. Ms. K emphasizes sharp, critical thinking. When a student offering an opinion or
answering a question is not clear, Ms. K challenges the statement forcing the
student to explain, clarify or admit she doesn’t know. Ms. K
also puts a premium on classroom performance. Students know that if their grades
are poor they will be placed on 4-week probation, during which they must still
come to meetings but cannot participate in field trips or other special
events. Ms. K reviews every student’s
progress reports, meets with parents as needed, tries to find tutors for those
who would benefit. At present, she is seeking funding specifically to
underwrite tutoring.
All of this consistent effort produces enormous growth in the girls at
every level. Shy girls, loners, and those with low self-esteem find a place to
fit in. Having “sisters,” being in a
group where they belong, feeling included all help the girls to improve. Although this growth is a work in progress –
uniform blouses are sometimes rumpled; being rude to teachers is a perennial
problem at every level -- growth is
palpable. In elementary school, giggly,
immature behavior gives way to an affect of calm and discipline. In middle school, improvement in hygiene is significant;
also noticeably better are behavior and self-confidence. In high school, the girls learn to keep a
surly attitude in check, to show deference to their teachers and other adults,
and to stay on track academically.
B. a. B. began four years ago with 40 eighth graders. This year they
are high school seniors. Although all
did not remain in the club throughout, all are graduating. One of the girls had a baby and is working but
still managed to graduate on time. And all
are going to college.
B. a. B. is a project of Communities in Schools, an organization that
brings community resources into public schools.
Ms. K launched the after-school club at JFK Middle School in 2011. With
the support of Communities in Schools, a second group leader placed the club in
Miami Senior High School in 2012. Today, with the addition of two volunteer
group leaders, six schools participate, each with 25-40 girls meeting for one hour
once a week throughout the school year. The program operates in two elementary,
two middle and two high schools in some of the poorest sections of Miami.
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| B. a. B. girls from Biscayne Gardens Elementary perform "Say Yes" at the Presentation Luncheon May 29, 2015 |
The club runs on a shoestring budget.
Salaries of the two paid group leaders are underwritten by Community in
Schools. In addition, a $5,000 grant
from the Women’s Fund of Miami Dade covers snacks, field trip expenses, and cost
of the end-of-year Presentation Luncheon. Supplies for weekly meetings and incidentals
are provided by the participating schools, by Communities in Schools and by
parents and Ms. K herself. Students are
asked to pay $40 for their uniforms, and scholarships subsidize those who
cannot afford it. Each student also pays
$1.00 at each meeting, in part as a gesture of commitment, in part to help pay
for on-site activities such as birthday celebrations.
Brains and Beauty Girls Club
786-344-3237
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